Archive for February, 2011
Think about it for a moment.
Many of us fear commitment because it means we are promising ourselves to one person, one company, one idea, one act, one whatever. We fear that by committing, we are shutting down the possibility for better opportunities, growth, change or something new that might just show up in some fuzzy future. We also fear that we if we commit, we may have to admit, at some point in the future, that we were wrong.
But here’s the truth.
When you leave a door open and only invest half of yourself, you never get to experience the fullness of that person or thing you are committing to. You also don’t get to experience the fullness of yourself because you are only half there. You just don’t go to the depths where the treasures of intimacy, love, vulnerability and mutual growth lay. You deprive yourself and the other of possibility. And if you do end up walking away from a half-baked relationship, you will question yourself. You will wonder if you truly did everything you could. You will ask what it could have been. That’s the shit that builds regret and self-loathing.
So here’s what I think.
Don’t leave a safety hatch open so you can escape when things get hard or something shinier shows up. Give someone or something your everything. Time-box it if you have to. Trade in a breadth of opportunities for the depth of one. Do it because you are creating the possibility of experiencing more of yourself and more of the other person. Do it because you could be transformed. Do it because you can walk away with a clear conscience. Do it so you won’t have regrets. Do it. Go deep. Try it.
Commit. Because that’s where the real opportunities lie.
Today is the 13th anniversary of my very first date with Bruce. As you can imagine, a lot has changed since then. And to be frank, dealing with that change hasn’t been easy for a Type A control freak like me.
For example, our hair. See Exhibit A below.
Okay, now for the more serious kind of change.
Years of fear
For years I feared change, especially when it came to my relationship. I feared Bruce changing. I feared me changing. I feared that change would mean that we would grow apart and that we would have to get a divorce. Being a child of divorced parents, I developed a hyper-sensitivity to change. Change = not good.
The perfect man for me
The irony is that I chose to be with a man who changes by the minute. Whenever I come home from work, he announces his day’s news. Some days the news is big. For example, one night I came home and he announced he was vegetarian. Just like that. Another night I came home and he announced that he felt it was his responsibility to educate Calgarians about the source of the fluoride in the City’s water and that he had purchased a $350 filtration system to get it out of our household water.* Or, one morning he woke up and decided that he was no longer eating sugar. After decades of being true to his Dutch genes and being notorious for polishing off a box of cookies in one sitting (my youngest nephew used to fear losing his stash of cookies to Bruce) and consuming half a pie for breakfast and the other half for dinner, he was no longer eating sweets. Ohhhhhh-kay. Another time, he declared he wasn’t going to travel ever again until his insomnia was cured. This coming from a guy who spent three months in Rishikesh sleeping on a concrete floor in service to a wise old Indian sage. I’ll also never forget the time he said to me “I don’t think there was ever a Jesus.” Huh? This is a man had a small picture of Jesus in his bedroom when I met him.
Happy anniversary, Sona! Today is the first anniversary of my blog and potentially the first time I’ve referred to myself in the third person. To celebrate the occasion (the former, not the latter), I have invited a few of my favourite bloggers to share their wisdom and insights in a “blind blog” by answering five simple questions about blogging. What’s a blind blog, you ask? It’s something I made up (as far as I can tell). It’s kind of like a blind date, except instead of going out on a date with someone you’ve never met, you blog with someone you’ve either never met or you blog on a single topic without any foresight into what your co-bloggers are writing before hitting “publish.”
So on my blog’s first birthday, we are experimenting with blogging. As you’ll see from the “Group of Five” below, they all share one thing in common: a belief that blogging is a labour of love with different rewards and challenges for those who dare to take it up. Without further ado, I introduce you to my favourite five in my first-ever blind blog!
The all-star line-up
Last month, on my way to NYC I decided to watch Going the Distance (starring Drew Barrymore and Justin Long) on the plane ride there. I always watch romantic comedies when I travel so that I can spare my husband the pain.
When we landed, the passenger beside me asked what I was watching. Apparently, she heard me at times laughing and at times crying. I surprised myself at how highly I recommended the movie to her. Then on my way back from NYC, I found myself urging my male co-worker to watch it on his way home too. So I decided I should just review it and tell everyone about it in one shot.
You can find the movie review at Versus Boredom. Be sure to let me know what you think (of the movie or the review)!
“Hey Mom, what’s that flying kid called?”
“Ummm, you mean Cupid?”
“Yeah, that’s the guy.”
That conversation with my 9-year old reminded me that Valentine’s Day is here, and so love should be too, right? Well, this bit of Feng Shui wisdom is for those of you who don’t have “a flying kid” in the vicinity and would like a little help creating an environment that’s going to bring some quality relationship action.
Here’s a scenario for you: stand at the entrance of your bedroom and get a feeling for what message the room is giving out. Does it look like an office, a library or a big laundry basket? How does any of that connect back to love and relationships? It doesn’t. Let’s aim for an intimate romantic sanctuary.
- Keep electronics to an absolute minimum (don’t work in bed!)
- Get some quality bedding that is not second-hand or overly worn and torn
- Think about introducing warm colours, candles and plants to add to the atmosphere
- Tip: the colour peach creates attraction, red brings in passion, pink brings in lasting love
Sona: I’m by no means an expert on the love between parent and child. I only know it one way since I have no children of my own. So I asked my sister to write an article with her best parenting advice. Anybody who has seen Rachna with her boys will tell you she is an incredible mother. Many of us marvel at her stamina and patience, and all of us wonder how the hell she does it. Here’s just a little wisdom from an incredible mother (and sister).
I have spent the last 6 months watching my twelve-soon-to-be-thirteen-year-old son change in ways that even though I knew were coming, I wasn’t ready for. He’s been growing steadily and all of a sudden is meeting me eye to eye, his voice is continually changing and is now consistently staying deeper, and I’m detecting a slight shadow on his upper lip which signals the end of his, up till now soft-as-a-baby’s-bottom, skin. Sigh. And it’s not just the physical changes. I’m noticing that he’s starting to define his role at home, he’s willingly taking on more responsibility, he’s beginning to feel his way through teenage friendship landmines and is finding his voice on who he is and what he wants to do. It’s exciting and slightly heartbreaking. To be honest, when I thought of him growing up, I didn’t realize how much it would impact me. I found myself pulling out an old home video, because I wanted—no, needed—to see him as a little boy again.
I lo-lo-love London Drugs! The only thing I don’t love about them is their tagline. Not because it’s tired, untrue or generic, but because it’s doesn’t do the brand one iota of justice. It completely ignores what us loyal London Druggies feel about the brand. I think I have a much better tagline for them but before I reveal it, I’m going to tell you why I love London Drugs. You tell me if you feel the same.
The perfect coffee table at the perfect price
One day, I go to London Drugs and I find this amazingly gorgeous coffee table (pictured left). It’s exactly the same as one my husband and I saw in a designer store only weeks before; the only difference is that it’s 1/6th the price (and maybe it’s not real wood, but whatever). We decide to buy it. Then 2 weeks later, I’m at London Drugs again and I notice it’s now on sale for $30 less. I head to Customer Service, show them my receipt, and boom! I’m $30 richer. Just like that, no questions asked!
Lately, I’ve been thinking about the different kinds of chemistry you can have. The kind between friends that makes conversation bounce back and forth as easy as a little bouncy ball. The kind between you and someone you’ve just met and feel an uncanny connection with. The kind between you and the one you love that encompasses all of the other kinds. The kind between creatives that spirals into worlds of possibility.
Today, I want to share a few videos that capture the amazing creative chemistry in my favourite co-ed duets. I would die to connect and collaborate with another creative at the levels these artists achieve. Just watch.
1. This is Ana Carolina and Seu Jorge singing Damien Rice’s “The Blower’s Daughter” which was made famous by the movie, Closer. It’s not in English (I think it’s in Brazilian Portuguese), but you don’t need to understand the words to get the feeling. This video and song has so much magic! Wait till you hear her voice, then wait till you hear his, then watch the intimate glances between them (especially at 2:09).